DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARDS

Here and there they wander across the Blasted Lands: enchanters covered in the blood of butchered concepts, hunted by memories given teeth. Hiding in the space between breaths. They search for things that cannot be found. They are all doomed and they know it.
 
 

YOU FIND THIS INDIVIDUAL
1 In the stomach of a freshly slain monster.
2 Floating across a desert.
3 In a lotus position on the peak of a mountain.
4 Haggling with a shrub as though it were a merchant.
5 Trapped in a hollow statue of themselves.
6 Dying at the bottom of a ravine.
7 Seeking something impossible.
8 Dueling another DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARD (generate another).
9 Rocking back and forth in fetal position in a dank cave.
10 Performing autopsy on a dead eldritch horror.
11 Arguing with themselves and losing.
12 Carving something intricate and undecipherable into stone.
13 Taming a multifarious mutant beast.
14 Actively mapping an landscape that looks nothing like this one.
15 Reading a scroll upside down and nodding intently.
16 Bound, hanging upside down from a pole.
17 Fast asleep in a horribly uncomfortable position.
18 Digging a hole in an innocuous location.
19 Performing surgery on themselves.
20 Bashing their head against a wall.

THEY ARE
1 Irritated
2 Thankful
3 Interested
4 Contemptuous
5 Obsessed
6 Annoying
7 Hyperactive
8 Distracted
9 Standoffish
10 Snooty
11 Disillusioned
12 Optimistic
13 Over excited
14 Terrified
15 Traumatized
16 Delighted
17 Suspicious
18 Unpredictable
19 Offended
20 Enraptured

AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO
1 Wield profanity with deadly force.
2 Tame viruses.
3 Selectively shrink or enlarge small parts of things.
4 Knows one Command Word for the Firmament, and has mastered its use.
5 Is on speaking terms with a Spirit.
6 Indefinitely preserve organs and limbs, and thus sell them for profit.
7 Split things into their base components.
8 Shape their own physiology at will.
9 Steal thoughts.
10 Create and enforce Subspaces.
11 Flawlessly manipulate the emotion of disgust.
12 Rot things at will.
13 Be instantly forgettable.
14 Disbelieve and therefore negate supernatural effects that target them.
15 Bisect things into perfect halves.
16 Make living things grow at several times their normal speed.
17 Manipulate emotions through ultra-low frequency sounds.
18 Gaslight people extremely well.
19 Manipulate social connotations at will
20 Mutate at will.

ONCE, LONG AGO, THEY
1 Survived a mind-battle against a Tar Spirit, now is sentient tar filling a pneumatic suit.
2 Surgically removed their own skeleton in fit of unstable genius.
3 Sacrificed the ability to speak proper nouns in order to pass though the Silence.
4 Sees the dead versions of living things, from alternate realities where they died.
5 Can speak only in vapid pop-culture memes from a distant reality.
6 Lost an arm and a leg to a pack of Limb Dogs.
7 Replaced their head with a constantly shifting puzzle-cube.
8 Tried to abort self, failed, and was cursed to be pursued by floating echo-babies.
9 Tried to duplicate self, now pursued by evil twin.
10 Saw the end of all things and became utterly traumatized.
11 Murdered an alternate reality version of themselves and seamlessly took their place.
12 Had their face rotted off in a sacred ritual deep belowground.
13 Were cripplingly but not lethally irradiated.
14 Created, and quickly destabilized, a hive mind. Talks in the third person.
15 Were enslaved by creatures from the Deep Dreamlands who use them as a recording device.
16 Became a were-(d6 1: snail, 2: finch, 3: wasp, 4: centipede, 5: jellyfish, 6: worm) after a genetics experiment went awry.
17 Uncovered the True Meaning of a word so deeply that they can only speak that word.
18 Became the enigmatic leader of a rowdy gang of wasteland bikers.
19 Became the mortal enemy of another DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARD (generate another).
20 Became a conduit for hostile contagious memetic concept-beasts after making a dealing with an Encryptomorph.

THEY CURRENTLY HAVE
1 A silver skull mask with scope-eyes.
2 Floating geometric metal bits that speak for them.
3 Boombox-pauldrons constantly blasting neurofunk.
4 A prehensile metal claw fused to spine.
5 A living tattoo that makes scintillating conversation.
6 Symbiotic fungal-armor.
7 A four-dimensional hypersword.
8 A shoulder-mounted mini-howitzer.
9 Bisected armor that opens to bring forth Summoned entities.
10 A rorshach test helmet that unnerves any who look at it.
11 A theremin that makes all who hear it (d3) 1: vomit, 2: weep, or 3: shit their pants.
12 A rechargeable gatling drone.
13 Anti-grav boots.
14 Lightsplitting gloves.
15 Infra and X-ray vision goggles.
16 A heavily encrypted data disk.
17 Knowledge of the name of a long-lost god.
18 Knowledge of the location of a Vault.
19 Endlessly folding Escher-staff.
20 Portable probability splitter.

(Many thanks to Angus Warman for teaching me the mysterious ways of javascript!)
This is now part of a series of generators!

Glog Class: SCAR-SPEAKER

Certain tribes at the edge of the Blasted Lands believe that every wound is a living portal to a spirit world made of flesh and bone that resides within all living beings. They alone understand the truth that those foolish practitioners of “scientific medicine” are blind to: the moment when flesh parts, the moment when blood seeps, the moments where in all knits anew, these moments are all alive in time just as we are. After all, scars are not made, they are born.
    

You can speak with scars. Most scars are torpid and extremely bored because nobody acknowledges their sentience. If you speak to one, it will animate and answer in a tiny voice. It may be (1d3) 1: mischievous, 2: stupid, or 3: helpful. This process is extremely unsettling for the person bearing the scar.
   

Starts with: a painful-and-intricate mutilation blade, a loincloth, and a Really Cool Scar (see table).
   

A Scar Tissue, Dispel Wound 

B Ritual Mutilation, Invoke Wound

C Rites of Scarring, Wound Possession

D One with the Spirits
   

SCAR TISSUE: When not wearing armor, you get +1 defense for each Really Cool Scar or Really Ugly Scar you have, to a maximum of +3.
 

DISPEL WOUND: Once per day, you can remove all fatal wounds from a target, then test your WIS. If you fail, you’ve offended the Wound Spirits, who give them a Really Ugly Scar (-1 to disposition rolls) before leaving.
 

INVOKE WOUND: Once per day, you can spend an action to call out to a the Spirit of a Wound that the target had suffered sometime in their life, and have that Wound open anew. Roll a d6 that increases in die size for each template of Scar-Speaker you have. The target takes that much damage, and if you rolled the max result for that die, the target rolls on the Death and Dismemberment table.
 

RITUAL MUTILATION: You can spend a minute to roll a d4 and take that much damage to regain the use of a once-per-day ability. If you roll a 4, you went overboard: roll again. If you roll a 4 again, gain a Really Cool Scar.
 

RITES OF SCARRING: You may spend a day preparing a ritual though which you can summon a friendly Scar-Spirit to inhabit the permanent injury of an ally. This ritual requires multiple meaningful components and an RP ceremony. At ceremony’s end, make a WIS check. If you succeed, the target gains a Really Cool Scar.
 

WOUND POSSESSION: Once per day, you can spend an action to send a Wound Spirit to possess the wound of an enemy, holding them in place with sheer pain. They must make a save or be paralyzed for 1d6 rounds. As an action, you may give the Wound Spirit a one word command, and if the target fails a save, the spirit will try to twist the possessed body to fulfill that command.
 

ONE WITH THE SPIRITS: You can enter a trance where you become a living conduit between the material world and the spirit realm, and every significant wound you take is inhabited by a friendly Wound-Spirit. The trance lasts 3d6 rounds. During the trance, you are not unconscious when you are at 0 hp or have fatal wounds, and having fatal wounds does not kill you until the trance ends. During the trance, you get +1 to all rolls for every fatal wound you currently have, and for every permanent major impairment from the D&D table that you have suffered in your lifetime. When the trance ends, the Wound-Spirits will attempt to carry you off to the spirit realm: save or die.

REALLY COOL SCARS

1 A patch of tough, leathery scab-tissue. Gives you +1 defense, but only if you’re not wearing armor.

2 This scar bears a grudge. Once per day, when you take the same type of damage that gave you the scar, you can halve the damage.

3 ‘It looks a little like a person! See, there’s the head, there’s the arms…’ This scar can see, hear, and speak. It can help you remember things or act as a lookout.

4 Receiving this scar has dulled your sensitivity to pain. Gives you 1 hp.

5 Makes you look like a complete badass. +1 to disposition rolls.

6 Looks like an arcane glyph. This scar can catch spells. If you succeed on a save vs a spell, roll a d6. On a 6, the spell has been caught in the scar and you can use it as if you spend the same amount of magic dice that the caster spent to cast it.

REALLY UGLY SCARS

1 People just can't stop staring at it. It grabs attention. You will be easily picked out from a crowd, but only for bad reasons.
2 It looks humiliating. In any conversation, it's only a matter of time before it will be the topic of discussion. Better make up a good cover story...
3 'It looks a little like a person... why are they giving me the finger?' This scar can see, hear, and speak, but it hates you. It will work against you when possible. Its disposition can be changed, though...
4 It's in the shape of an offensive symbol or design. Get ready to make some political enemies...
5 It always looks fresh... like it's going to open up again at any moment. This scar will wait until you are in a dangerous situation, then open anew, causing 2d6 damage.
6 Looks like an arcane glyph. This scar catches spells. But not in a good way. Each time a spell is cast near you, roll a d6. On a 6, the spell targets you instead. This only happens once per day.

Glog Class: SURGEON

Consensus is that the eccentric rogue surgeons who wander the Blasted Lands are worth their weight in gold. Still, tales abound of mad experiments done in the dead of night, producing monstrous perversions of the human form. None will say that to the Surgeons' faces, especially when its their wound that needs cleaning... but the doubts creep in when they're under the knife, staring up into that blank, inhuman mask...

You gain +1 to saves versus disease and poison for each Surgeon template you have.

Starts with: bone saw, scalpel, medical supplies kit, black cape, plague mask.

A Field Medic, Treat the Cause

B Triage, Diagnosis

C Surgery, Organ Harvester

D Experimental Cure, Transplant

FIELD MEDIC: You can make a straight INT test with advantage to remove a fatal wound from a dying ally, instead of an INT/2 test.
 

TREAT THE CAUSE: Whenever you heal a fatal wound, your next attack against the enemy that caused it deals double damage. If it kills them, it neatly severs a body part.
 

TRIAGE: Any round in which you spend an action doctoring a dying ally’s wounds does not count towards the 3-round death-timer.
 

DIAGNOSIS: By examining someone, you can tell the effect a condition or ailment is having on their bodily processes, even if you do not know what that condition or ailment is. By examining a corpse, you can discern how it died.
 

SURGERY: You can spend 6 hours to try and cure someone’s permanent injury. To do so, test your INT, then your patient tests their CON. If both are successful, you have cured the permanent injury. If only one is successful, you deal 1d6 damage to your patient. If both are unsuccessful, something has gone horribly wrong: your patient recieves a fatal wound and they roll on the death and dismemberment table. Add +1 to both tests for each of these elements you incorporate into the surgery: anaesthesia, sanitization, traction bench, blood transfusion.
 

ORGAN HARVESTER: For each corpse, you can spend one minute to harvest one organ or body part in pristine condition.
 

EXPERIMENTAL CURE: You may combine three reagents together into an Experimental Cure. When someone ingests the Experimental Cure, test your INT. If you succeed, they heal 1d6 hp, remove a disease, or stop being poisoned. If you fail, they take 1d6 damage (or the DM can make up a weird minor affliction for them to suffer). Someone can only be affected by an Experimental Cure once per day.
 

TRANSPLANT: Once per week, you can spend a full day to attempt to transplant one organ or body part from one creature to another. Do do so, perform Surgery on them (see SURGERY).
 
With contributions from Angus Warman at https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/ 
and advice from Max Cantor at http://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/

Glog Class: DREAM RAIDER

 

Dream Raiders, Somnauts, refugees from an ancient war within the dreamlands, the events of which has been devoured by History. By day, they wander the Blasted Lands, and by night they traverse vistas stranger still. Some turn brigand, and use hypnosis to drag unsuspecting victims into slumber before robbing them of their mind-treasures. Others become bounty hunters that seek their own kind throughout the dreamscape, challenging them to unconscious psychic duels.
  

Starts with: leather armor, cutlass, very comfy bedroll, spectacles, pocketwatch.
   

A Hypnosis, Dream Explorer

B Projection, Dream Invasion

C Dream Duel, Mass Hypnosis

D Unshackled, Influence Dream

   

HYPNOSIS: You can take one minute to put any willing target to sleep. You can also use an action to force the target to make a save or fall asleep. Once you try Hypnosis this on someone, willing or unwilling, success, or failure, you cannot try it on them again until the next day.
   

DREAM EXPLORER: Each night, when you sleep, you can roll to scour the dreamlands for its treasures. At the end of your sleep, roll on the Dream Treasures table (at end of post).
   

PROJECTION: While you are asleep, your consciousness can leave your body and explore your surroundings. This still counts as you resting. Your Projection is invisible, cannot affect any physical objects, and cannot travel 100ft away from your body. You can wake yourself up at any time by falling back into your body.
   

DREAM INVASION: While you are asleep, you can try and invade the dreams of someone you have met before, or, your Projection can fall into the body of a sleeping individual. Once you are in, the dreamer may encounter you. You and the dreamer cannot harm each other in any way and you cannot change the content of the dream, but you and the dreamer can converse.
   

DREAM DUEL: While invading the mind of a dreaming individual, you can challenge them to a duel within their dreams. The duel takes place in dream-time and thus happens within the space of six seconds. You and the target choose which stat you will use, between INT, WIS, and CHA. Then you both roll a d20. Whoever rolls under their selected stat, but higher than the opponent’s roll, wins the duel. If you win, you gain a Dream Treasure (see DREAM EXPLORER). The loser becomes comatose for the next 1d6 days as they are trapped in their dreams.
   

MASS HYPNOSIS: Once per day, you can augment your HYPNOSIS ability so that it affects everyone who has you in their line of sight.
   

INFLUENCE DREAM: When in someone else’s dreams, you may make an INT test to change the subject matter or environment of the dream in a significant way. You can continue to do this, but once you fail the INT test, you cannot Influence the dream anymore.
   

UNSHACKLED: When Projecting, you no longer have to stay within 100ft of your body. If your body dies while you are Projecting, your Projection persists for up to a week. Once per lifetime, you can fight a Dream Duel with a sleeping person for permanent possession of their body. The loser is shunted into the blind writhing void between realities…
   

1d10 FINDING A DREAM TREASURE

1 Nothing.
2 An impossible thought that implodes with a tiny pop once rationally observed.
3 Errant anxieties that slip through your fingers like smoke.
4 Something... you can't quite remember what it is... it's on the tip of your tongue... and now it's gone.
5 Useful bit of information. Sometime during the next day, you can make the DM tell you a tiny, useful bit of information that you otherwise wouldn’t know.

6 A tiny glimpse of foresight. You gain one reroll that lasts until your next sleep.

7 A gem of concentrated dreamstuff. Unrealities and half-possibilities swirl within. Prized by Dream Traders. Doesn’t exist in reality, appears in your pocket when dreaming.

8 d100 fragments of raw thoughts, the building blocks of dreams unborn. They are the standard currency of the dreamlands.

9 A map fragment to an interesting or important location within the dreamlands.

10 A key. You know the location of a temporary portal to the dreamlands and how to open it. It only works once.
      

1d6 DREAM SITUATIONS

(Keep in mind that not all dreams are interesting or noteworthy. Use this table every so often to spice things up, and feel free to make your own entries!)

1 Dreamer is being chased by something that is always behind them. INT test: on success, you can see that it doesn’t exist.

2 Dreamer is in an embarrassing situation because they forgot something. Forgot their pants, forgot their orders, etc. INT test: on success, you are holding that item.

3 Dreamer is flying. INT test: on success, you can fly too.

4 Dreamer is going about their daily routine, but something very basic and crucial has become absurd, and they don’t notice. Maybe all writing implements have been replaced with stickbugs, or everyone is wearing clothes made of garbage, or dogs can talk. INT test: on failure, you take the absurdity for granted too.

5 Dreamer is having sex with a faceless placeholder-person. INT test: on success, you can interrupt and point this out to them.

6 Dreamer is struggling to help its friends, who are in danger offscreen. INT test: on success, you understand the nature of the danger.


Image 1 Source: https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/card-preview/omniscience-2018-06-19. Art by Jason Chan
Image 2 Source: http://www.artofmtg.com/art/disperse/. Art by Ryan Yee 

CHANGELOG: 
-At the suggestion of Max Cantor and K Yani, removed some of the excessive INT tests.