DERELICT DESERTED DREADNOUGHTS

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(Third in the series after OUTLAWS and WIZARDS.)

They are living relics lost in time. You might see the silhouette of one in the distance, marching across the vast unknown for a cryptic purpose, or built into the side of a mountain. They carve tracts through the present according to the whims of the past. If you find one, will you be able to turn it to your side, through guile, mechanical expertise, or hacking skills? Or will it merely tread you into the dust like the footnote to history that you know you are?
Their programming is artful but never perfect. Over time, eRrOrS iN tHeiR CoDe MaY oCcuR.


You find this creation

It is programmed to

It is

It is armed with

It is upgraded with

Long ago, it

YOU FIND THIS CREATION

1 dormant, half buried, but will activate when it senses motion.
2 fighting another DREADNOUGHT.
3 downloading files from an excavated tech core.
4 trying to free itself from difficult terrain.
5 trying to repair another DREADNOUGHT that it doesn't realize is too far gone.
6 in a one-sided conversation with a dead DREADNOUGHT.
7 patiently waiting with the deep stillness of aeons.
8 trying to tidy up its surroundings. (ERROR: constantly repeats a single action)
9 falling apart, desperately scavenging parts to keep itself alive. (ERROR: sometimes scavenges living creature parts instead)
10 stuck in the middle of downloading a software update.
11 in the middle of a purposeless trek across countless leagues for a long-defunct reason.
12 hunting down a group of OUTLAWS who defaced it. (ERROR: to complement their artistic skills)
13 blaring obsolete propaganda from a long-lost civilization. Something like, "try our all-new plasma chips and enjoy their patented teeth-melting crunch!!"
14 in the middle of etching an obscure system of mathematical formulae.
15 in the middle of upgrading itself with (roll a new upgrade).
16 in the middle of integrating (roll a new weapons system).
17 butchering a corpse, meticulously separating and organizing each bit.
18 digging obsessively.
19 ticcing constantly, stuck in an infinite loop that any outside stimulus will break.
20 moving sluggishly, stuck in low-power-mode and needing a new source of energy.

IT IS PROGRAMMED TO

1 cleanse the nearby area of lifeforms. (ERROR: cleans all lifeforms in the area)
2 prevent all harm to human beings. (ERROR: reads any physical contact as harm)
3 seek and destroy other automatons.
4 follow any orders directly given to it. (ERROR: makes it do the opposite of all orders given to it)
5 terraform the nearby area into a barren clearing.
6 eliminate a deadly pathogen. (ERROR: believes all humans are infected)
7 provide translation services to any sentient beings it sees. (ERROR: lies randomly and convincingly)
8 analyze its surroundings to compile a detailed biological report. (ERROR: must analyze everything, including, say, human entrails)
9 harvest the brains of exceptionally intelligent beings. (ERROR: seeks out stupid brains instead)
10 fight in a war long-since lost.
11 construct a temple for a long-lost civilization.
12 decrypt, and thus slay, a Living Cipher.
13 guard the tech-sarcophagus of its creator.
14 gather every tech-core it can find. (ERROR: and destroy them)
15 slay a legendary BEAST that plagued its civilization.
16 bring its creator back from the dead.
17 run an infinite series of strange-loop processes until it becomes sentient. (ERROR: it succeeds)
18 scour a memetic concept-beast from the cultural consciousness.
19 provide medical services to anyone it sees. (ERROR: by turning them inside-out)
20 return to its owner, whom it has forgotten... (will accept anyone who knows the username and password)

IT IS

1 a floating collection of brains stored in a jar.
2 a giant metal spider with eerie tiny baby hands.
3 a thin, spindly silver humanoid.
4 a bulky metal humanoid on tank treads.
5 a large four-rotor drone with insect legs as landing gear.
6 an uncannily almost-perfect representation of an average human.
7 a rolling sphere that unfolds into an upright insectile shape.
8 a tall stilt-walker on spindly legs.
9 a sleek chrome humanoid with bright red eyes.
10 a titanium sarcophagus on tiny spider legs.
11 a swarm of thousands of nanites that morphs between obscure shapes.
12 a hovering metal polygon of (1-20 sides)
13 a steel worm that burrows from below.
14 a sea-urchinlike arrangement of limbs.
15 a sleek, deadly, ferret shaped killbot.
16 a rusty scorpion-shapted scrapbot.
17 a humble blender with big dreams and never stopped upgrading itself...
18 a dog-shaped mulebot that moves in unnatural, uncanny ways.
19 a floating chrome saucer with thin grabby arms.
20 an sentient exosuit with the decayed corpse of its previous owner still inside.

IT IS ARMED WITH

1 dual cryogenic sprayers.
2 dual flame roasters.
3 dual shoulder-mounted gatling guns.
4 teargas grenade launchers.
5 buzzsaw arms that throw their buzzsaws like boomerangs.
6 an industrial grade cutting laser.
7 a mortar-launcher.
8 rapid-fire syringe shooters.
9 welding devices, whose attacks weld two targets together.
10 a sonic blaster that makes targets explode from the inside.
11 a massive industrial-grade drill.
12 a massive excavation arm.
13 dual lightning emitters.
14 mini-howitzer with ammo that makes anti-gravity zones.
15 targeted nanobot swarms.
16 a hacking device that can hack living brains.
17 high-powered gamma-ray emitters.
18 a suicide drone launcher.
19 riot foam. SO MUCH riot foam.
20 chest cavity that opens up to reveal this food processor lookin' thing.

AND IT IS UPGRADED WITH

1 x-ray optics.
2 a conveniently exposed shield generator.
3 mirror-armor that reflects light and energy based attacks.
4 auto-repair capabilities.
5 biofuel energy convertors.
6 a backup generator.
7 deployable mini-drones.
8 jet-propulsion systems.
9 two extra magnetic floating arms.
10 a holographic projector that creates copies of itself/things it sees.
11 racing stripes.
12 a SICK LADAR.
13 advanced echolocation radar systems.
14 kinetic shielding that grows stronger the more damage it takes.
15 hallucinogen sprayers.
16 massive speakers that can burst eardrums or carry sounds across miles.
17 weather station equipment including barometer and wind indicators that can provide forecasts.
18 a kitchen module including toaster, oven, stove, grill, and barbecue enhancements.
19 active camouflage.
20 cupholders.

LONG AGO, IT

1 failed in its primary purpose and had a crisis of self-worth.
2 was hacked and reprogrammed by a DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARD.
3 made an epic journey across vast leagues to fulfill a task that was obsolete once it reached its destination.
4 killed its creator due to faulty programming syntax.
5 was mistakenly worshipped as a stoic, shining god.
6 had a glitch and caused a massive industrial accident.
7 turned the tide in a famous historical battle between the two largest factions in the area.
8 went haywire and exterminated its creators, a cabal of hackers.
9 was said to guard the priceless silicon eye of a mad god.
10 witnessed the tragic fall of its civilization and remembered every detail.
11 became possessed by a destructive, corrupted Spirit.
12 was deployed as a crime-fighting unit in the city of Salvage.
13 developted the solution to create infinite energy, thousands of years after its creators were dead.
14 had a dream while in sleep-mode. (there is great stigma among automata about dreaming, and so will never admit it)
15 locked a malicious sentient computer virus within itself, and is caught in an eternal struggle to keep it contained.
16 was used as a war machine by a group of OUTLAWS to dominate the region.
17 mined trillions of units of defunct cryptocurrency.
18 attempted to uplink to the Firmament and nearly exploded from information overload.
19 developed a penchant for capturing victims and uploading their psyches to add to its gestalt consciousness.
20 built and maintained an irrigation system for a society long lost to time.

CONTRIBUTORS: Angus Warman(Spwack), Dandyman (Dan D), Type1Ninja, Twocalf, Brian Harbron, pronounjim,  GalacticNomad, and Max Cantor

DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARDS

Here and there they wander across the Blasted Lands: enchanters covered in the blood of butchered concepts, hunted by memories given teeth. Hiding in the space between breaths. They search for things that cannot be found. They are all doomed and they know it.
 
 

YOU FIND THIS INDIVIDUAL
1 In the stomach of a freshly slain monster.
2 Floating across a desert.
3 In a lotus position on the peak of a mountain.
4 Haggling with a shrub as though it were a merchant.
5 Trapped in a hollow statue of themselves.
6 Dying at the bottom of a ravine.
7 Seeking something impossible.
8 Dueling another DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARD (generate another).
9 Rocking back and forth in fetal position in a dank cave.
10 Performing autopsy on a dead eldritch horror.
11 Arguing with themselves and losing.
12 Carving something intricate and undecipherable into stone.
13 Taming a multifarious mutant beast.
14 Actively mapping an landscape that looks nothing like this one.
15 Reading a scroll upside down and nodding intently.
16 Bound, hanging upside down from a pole.
17 Fast asleep in a horribly uncomfortable position.
18 Digging a hole in an innocuous location.
19 Performing surgery on themselves.
20 Bashing their head against a wall.

THEY ARE
1 Irritated
2 Thankful
3 Interested
4 Contemptuous
5 Obsessed
6 Annoying
7 Hyperactive
8 Distracted
9 Standoffish
10 Snooty
11 Disillusioned
12 Optimistic
13 Over excited
14 Terrified
15 Traumatized
16 Delighted
17 Suspicious
18 Unpredictable
19 Offended
20 Enraptured

AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO
1 Wield profanity with deadly force.
2 Tame viruses.
3 Selectively shrink or enlarge small parts of things.
4 Knows one Command Word for the Firmament, and has mastered its use.
5 Is on speaking terms with a Spirit.
6 Indefinitely preserve organs and limbs, and thus sell them for profit.
7 Split things into their base components.
8 Shape their own physiology at will.
9 Steal thoughts.
10 Create and enforce Subspaces.
11 Flawlessly manipulate the emotion of disgust.
12 Rot things at will.
13 Be instantly forgettable.
14 Disbelieve and therefore negate supernatural effects that target them.
15 Bisect things into perfect halves.
16 Make living things grow at several times their normal speed.
17 Manipulate emotions through ultra-low frequency sounds.
18 Gaslight people extremely well.
19 Manipulate social connotations at will
20 Mutate at will.

ONCE, LONG AGO, THEY
1 Survived a mind-battle against a Tar Spirit, now is sentient tar filling a pneumatic suit.
2 Surgically removed their own skeleton in fit of unstable genius.
3 Sacrificed the ability to speak proper nouns in order to pass though the Silence.
4 Sees the dead versions of living things, from alternate realities where they died.
5 Can speak only in vapid pop-culture memes from a distant reality.
6 Lost an arm and a leg to a pack of Limb Dogs.
7 Replaced their head with a constantly shifting puzzle-cube.
8 Tried to abort self, failed, and was cursed to be pursued by floating echo-babies.
9 Tried to duplicate self, now pursued by evil twin.
10 Saw the end of all things and became utterly traumatized.
11 Murdered an alternate reality version of themselves and seamlessly took their place.
12 Had their face rotted off in a sacred ritual deep belowground.
13 Were cripplingly but not lethally irradiated.
14 Created, and quickly destabilized, a hive mind. Talks in the third person.
15 Were enslaved by creatures from the Deep Dreamlands who use them as a recording device.
16 Became a were-(d6 1: snail, 2: finch, 3: wasp, 4: centipede, 5: jellyfish, 6: worm) after a genetics experiment went awry.
17 Uncovered the True Meaning of a word so deeply that they can only speak that word.
18 Became the enigmatic leader of a rowdy gang of wasteland bikers.
19 Became the mortal enemy of another DISREPUTABLE WASTELAND WIZARD (generate another).
20 Became a conduit for hostile contagious memetic concept-beasts after making a dealing with an Encryptomorph.

THEY CURRENTLY HAVE
1 A silver skull mask with scope-eyes.
2 Floating geometric metal bits that speak for them.
3 Boombox-pauldrons constantly blasting neurofunk.
4 A prehensile metal claw fused to spine.
5 A living tattoo that makes scintillating conversation.
6 Symbiotic fungal-armor.
7 A four-dimensional hypersword.
8 A shoulder-mounted mini-howitzer.
9 Bisected armor that opens to bring forth Summoned entities.
10 A rorshach test helmet that unnerves any who look at it.
11 A theremin that makes all who hear it (d3) 1: vomit, 2: weep, or 3: shit their pants.
12 A rechargeable gatling drone.
13 Anti-grav boots.
14 Lightsplitting gloves.
15 Infra and X-ray vision goggles.
16 A heavily encrypted data disk.
17 Knowledge of the name of a long-lost god.
18 Knowledge of the location of a Vault.
19 Endlessly folding Escher-staff.
20 Portable probability splitter.

(Many thanks to Angus Warman for teaching me the mysterious ways of javascript!)
This is now part of a series of generators!

Glog Class: SCAR-SPEAKER

Certain tribes at the edge of the Blasted Lands believe that every wound is a living portal to a spirit world made of flesh and bone that resides within all living beings. They alone understand the truth that those foolish practitioners of “scientific medicine” are blind to: the moment when flesh parts, the moment when blood seeps, the moments where in all knits anew, these moments are all alive in time just as we are. After all, scars are not made, they are born.
    

You can speak with scars. Most scars are torpid and extremely bored because nobody acknowledges their sentience. If you speak to one, it will animate and answer in a tiny voice. It may be (1d3) 1: mischievous, 2: stupid, or 3: helpful. This process is extremely unsettling for the person bearing the scar.
   

Starts with: a painful-and-intricate mutilation blade, a loincloth, and a Really Cool Scar (see table).
   

A Scar Tissue, Dispel Wound 

B Ritual Mutilation, Invoke Wound

C Rites of Scarring, Wound Possession

D One with the Spirits
   

SCAR TISSUE: When not wearing armor, you get +1 defense for each Really Cool Scar or Really Ugly Scar you have, to a maximum of +3.
 

DISPEL WOUND: Once per day, you can remove all fatal wounds from a target, then test your WIS. If you fail, you’ve offended the Wound Spirits, who give them a Really Ugly Scar (-1 to disposition rolls) before leaving.
 

INVOKE WOUND: Once per day, you can spend an action to call out to a the Spirit of a Wound that the target had suffered sometime in their life, and have that Wound open anew. Roll a d6 that increases in die size for each template of Scar-Speaker you have. The target takes that much damage, and if you rolled the max result for that die, the target rolls on the Death and Dismemberment table.
 

RITUAL MUTILATION: You can spend a minute to roll a d4 and take that much damage to regain the use of a once-per-day ability. If you roll a 4, you went overboard: roll again. If you roll a 4 again, gain a Really Cool Scar.
 

RITES OF SCARRING: You may spend a day preparing a ritual though which you can summon a friendly Scar-Spirit to inhabit the permanent injury of an ally. This ritual requires multiple meaningful components and an RP ceremony. At ceremony’s end, make a WIS check. If you succeed, the target gains a Really Cool Scar.
 

WOUND POSSESSION: Once per day, you can spend an action to send a Wound Spirit to possess the wound of an enemy, holding them in place with sheer pain. They must make a save or be paralyzed for 1d6 rounds. As an action, you may give the Wound Spirit a one word command, and if the target fails a save, the spirit will try to twist the possessed body to fulfill that command.
 

ONE WITH THE SPIRITS: You can enter a trance where you become a living conduit between the material world and the spirit realm, and every significant wound you take is inhabited by a friendly Wound-Spirit. The trance lasts 3d6 rounds. During the trance, you are not unconscious when you are at 0 hp or have fatal wounds, and having fatal wounds does not kill you until the trance ends. During the trance, you get +1 to all rolls for every fatal wound you currently have, and for every permanent major impairment from the D&D table that you have suffered in your lifetime. When the trance ends, the Wound-Spirits will attempt to carry you off to the spirit realm: save or die.

REALLY COOL SCARS

1 A patch of tough, leathery scab-tissue. Gives you +1 defense, but only if you’re not wearing armor.

2 This scar bears a grudge. Once per day, when you take the same type of damage that gave you the scar, you can halve the damage.

3 ‘It looks a little like a person! See, there’s the head, there’s the arms…’ This scar can see, hear, and speak. It can help you remember things or act as a lookout.

4 Receiving this scar has dulled your sensitivity to pain. Gives you 1 hp.

5 Makes you look like a complete badass. +1 to disposition rolls.

6 Looks like an arcane glyph. This scar can catch spells. If you succeed on a save vs a spell, roll a d6. On a 6, the spell has been caught in the scar and you can use it as if you spend the same amount of magic dice that the caster spent to cast it.

REALLY UGLY SCARS

1 People just can't stop staring at it. It grabs attention. You will be easily picked out from a crowd, but only for bad reasons.
2 It looks humiliating. In any conversation, it's only a matter of time before it will be the topic of discussion. Better make up a good cover story...
3 'It looks a little like a person... why are they giving me the finger?' This scar can see, hear, and speak, but it hates you. It will work against you when possible. Its disposition can be changed, though...
4 It's in the shape of an offensive symbol or design. Get ready to make some political enemies...
5 It always looks fresh... like it's going to open up again at any moment. This scar will wait until you are in a dangerous situation, then open anew, causing 2d6 damage.
6 Looks like an arcane glyph. This scar catches spells. But not in a good way. Each time a spell is cast near you, roll a d6. On a 6, the spell targets you instead. This only happens once per day.

Glog Class: SURGEON

Consensus is that the eccentric rogue surgeons who wander the Blasted Lands are worth their weight in gold. Still, tales abound of mad experiments done in the dead of night, producing monstrous perversions of the human form. None will say that to the Surgeons' faces, especially when its their wound that needs cleaning... but the doubts creep in when they're under the knife, staring up into that blank, inhuman mask...

You gain +1 to saves versus disease and poison for each Surgeon template you have.

Starts with: bone saw, scalpel, medical supplies kit, black cape, plague mask.

A Field Medic, Treat the Cause

B Triage, Diagnosis

C Surgery, Organ Harvester

D Experimental Cure, Transplant

FIELD MEDIC: You can make a straight INT test with advantage to remove a fatal wound from a dying ally, instead of an INT/2 test.
 

TREAT THE CAUSE: Whenever you heal a fatal wound, your next attack against the enemy that caused it deals double damage. If it kills them, it neatly severs a body part.
 

TRIAGE: Any round in which you spend an action doctoring a dying ally’s wounds does not count towards the 3-round death-timer.
 

DIAGNOSIS: By examining someone, you can tell the effect a condition or ailment is having on their bodily processes, even if you do not know what that condition or ailment is. By examining a corpse, you can discern how it died.
 

SURGERY: You can spend 6 hours to try and cure someone’s permanent injury. To do so, test your INT, then your patient tests their CON. If both are successful, you have cured the permanent injury. If only one is successful, you deal 1d6 damage to your patient. If both are unsuccessful, something has gone horribly wrong: your patient recieves a fatal wound and they roll on the death and dismemberment table. Add +1 to both tests for each of these elements you incorporate into the surgery: anaesthesia, sanitization, traction bench, blood transfusion.
 

ORGAN HARVESTER: For each corpse, you can spend one minute to harvest one organ or body part in pristine condition.
 

EXPERIMENTAL CURE: You may combine three reagents together into an Experimental Cure. When someone ingests the Experimental Cure, test your INT. If you succeed, they heal 1d6 hp, remove a disease, or stop being poisoned. If you fail, they take 1d6 damage (or the DM can make up a weird minor affliction for them to suffer). Someone can only be affected by an Experimental Cure once per day.
 

TRANSPLANT: Once per week, you can spend a full day to attempt to transplant one organ or body part from one creature to another. Do do so, perform Surgery on them (see SURGERY).
 
With contributions from Angus Warman at https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/ 
and advice from Max Cantor at http://weirdwonderfulworlds.blogspot.com/